We Still Would

You got an older brother? Or a dad, maybe Jake?

We’ve all heard of the phrase MILF. Indeed some of us have been horrified (but let’s face it secretly delighted) to be called one. For those who still don’t know, a MILF is a Mummy I’d Like to Fuck. Yes, boys think up that kind of thing, that's how their brains work.

A conversation I had recently on the phenomenon with a chum of a similar age got slightly out of hand. We both work with students, so we’ve both been on the receiving end of the odd MILF comment. Which is nice, if slightly icky when you break it down. I suppose we'll be upset about it when it stops, so at least we've got that going for us for now. 

It’s wonderful that all of a sudden older women are attracting the interest of young men, but I am sad to report that we don’t feel the same. With the odd exception in the shape of a perhaps a brief brush with a Gyllenhaal, women don’t really like boys. Boys are daft, to be honest. The truth is, we like an older man, perhaps a GILF. But since the full name of the acronym GILF is, let’s face it, quite horrific, (work it out the G stands for Grandad-see I told you- icky) we decided on a new one that more likely sums up what we’re talking about. These guys are called the WSWs. WSW standing for We Still Would.

So why does the older man appeal? Well, for one, you’d still be young compared to him. I think this is important. I actually feel slightly sorry for those women with substantially younger partners. Whilst they are gadding about looking buff and fantastic straight out of bed in the morning, you are busy getting up an hour before they do to apply fillers and serums to the worst bits and smearing on a careful layer of make up to the whole ensemble lest they turn round to find the face of Zelda from the Terrahawks on the pillow next to them and run to the nearest twenty-one year old.

 Zelda from Terrahawks 

(or you if you wake up next to a 20 year old)

Still not convinced? Think I've lost it? Well, let's  have a look at these reasons why a WSW would be a good bet:

• A WSW wouldn’t look at your stretchmarks or episiotomy scars and shriek “What the fuck is that? Dear God, were you in a plane crash or something?!”

• A WSW has some good pillow-talk. Old guys-they’ve got good stories. He’ll also speak that talk directly to you instead of messaging you later in a text message full of acronyms you don’t understand. Or use street talk.

• He won't ever say anything like "Nice dress, my mum's got the same one."

• A WSW wouldn’t need to borrow cash from you cos let’s face it, you’re not going to go for a poverty stricken WSW are you? You've got to have some standards.

• A WSW has a personality- he’s had time to develop it. A nineteen year old does not. He’s still quoting from films instead of making up his own jokes. I mean, he just called you a  MILF- that’s straight from “American Pie” for goodness sakes. Case in point.

Rise of the WSWs (Possibly with the help of Viagra- but we don’t mind)

So without further ado, here is my WSW list. Feel free to add your own in the comments box.

Harrison Ford: Ruined it a little when he got that terrible earring. We don't like our WSWs trying cheap tricks to look younger. But c’mon, he’s still Han Solo, get ‘em off H!

Terence Stamp: Your gaze is not going to move from his incredible eyes so it doesn’t matter that the rest of him might look like a roll of crushed velvet. You couldn’t have shagged Terence Stamp when he was in his twenties because he was too good looking and you would have looked like a hag next to him no matter how young you were. Now he’s an old guy, you’re on a level pegging. And he would talk to you in his Terence Stamp voice. Good grief! (*faints*)

Jeff Bridges: A person favourite of mine- possibly number one my WSW list. More of a IAWAIAW (I Always Would And I Always Will) than a WSW, actually. A beautiful beautiful man does not wither with age. And Jeff would always have dope with him. You know he would.

Tim Robbins: Formerly married to Queen of the MILFs Susan Sarandon, Robbins gets better with age himself. I think my husband looks like him so yes, THAT's weird. But let's face it, this whole post is weird so we'll go with it.

 

Michael Palin: Sexiest of the Pythons by a long way. And I still would. I’m prepared to defend this choice to the hilt. Palin does it for me- so shoot me. I bet he’d also bring you tea and toast in bed without you asking. Also good for helping you plan a holiday.

Jeremy Irons: People who don’t understand this choice haven’t seen the film "Damage". Go and watch it and report back to register your confirmation that YSW (You Still Would). He could also read the phone book out as foreplay.

Viggo Mortensen: Bring the Lord of the Rings outfit Viggo. That’s all we ask.