The last time I wrote to an agony aunt was when I was fifteen. I wrote to a magazine called Just Seventeen: "I have just started dating a lovely 30 year old fella and so far we have just gone to second base. We are very much in love and recently he told me that he used to be a woman and is a post op transsexual. Now we want to go all the way and I would love to know what to expect in the genital region when we eventually do it. I am a bit freaked out to be honest so please be as graphic as possible so as I know what to expect."
Now I wasn't going out with a post op transsexual I just wrote in for a laugh. But I never got a reply. I mean shame on you Just Seventeen for not grabbing this thorny topic by the (artificial) balls.
Since then I have been tempted to pen letters to agony aunts or especially to the nauseating agony uncle Dr Phil over the years. To be honest with you I am getting a bit worried about my kids. They have both become cleaning fanatics and I don't know what to do about it. So I put pen to paper and wrote to him.
Dear Dr Phil
I have often seen you patronizing people on TV and thought that the time had at last come for me to sit on a tall stool in your studio, listen to your home grown nuggets of wisdom and 'own' my guilt regarding my parenting decisions until snot runs out of my nose and mascara dribbles down my cheeks.
My problem may seem insignificant but the issue is that my seven year old a.k.a Sausage and ten year old Scarlett make me feel massively inadequate in the cleaning department.
I have always been somewhat lackadaisical in my attitude to cleaning. Sort of why fold laundry in the basket if you're just going to wear it again soon, why clean a floor unless it's sticky and why clean a fridge unless there's mold growing in there.
My bedroom is a tad chaotic with clothes jumbled in the drawers and my 300 pairs of shoes all over the shop. So imagine my surprise when Scarlett recently organized my closet (see above) so that the shoes were in pairs. I cried a bit as I saw she had also made my bed for the first time in weeks.
Sausage is even more hardcore. She frequently begs to wash the dishes by hand even though we have a dish washer. She is always mopping the floor. She loves ironing and in fact was late for school yesterday because she was ironing a top (I was supervising).
I only have to leave the Hoover unsupervised before Sausage has plugged it in and is making short work of the carpets. And Scarlett has been known to mow the lawn 'for fun' and without monetary compensation.
The long and short of it is they are already at this young age better at me at all housework. I still do the cooking but it seems like it is only a matter of time before I will be usurped from this too.
I feel deeply inadequate and my self esteem is on the floor. What would you do Dr Phil if no sooner had the dryer beeped when your kids would have 'made a game' out of putting all the freshly dried socks into pairs?
I'm begging you Dr Phil. Tell me what I can do to make myself feel less intimidated by my cleanaholic kids?
Yours
Slobby Housewife
While I am waiting for Dr Phil to pull his finger out please send me your advice. I mean is this normal. Do your kids like doing housework or is it strictly for money?
